The Mission That Healed My Stage Fright: 4 Days, 4 Talks, 800 Students

Those who’ve known me personally know that I’m not much of a talker. Giving speeches isn’t my thing. There was also a time in high school when I was tasked to give an impromptu speech in front of 500 students. When it was my turn to speak, I just froze on stage, speechless and scared. That’s how public speaking became the bane of my existence. But allow me to take you to a time when God healed me from my stage fright.

I Just Said Yes!

We were scheduled to facilitate a retreat for the students of St. Joseph College of Maasin, Leyte from March 2 to 5, 2020. I was eager to join the mission because I haven’t been to Leyte yet. Based on the mission brief, the number of students who will join the event was 200.

We boarded the ship to Leyte. The early morning breeze felt so good, and I looked for a place where I could study and prepare for my assigned talk. I asked our mission captain about the school and the students. She told me that we’re supposed to facilitate 200 students per day for 4 days. I thought it was just 200 students in 4 days, which was just 50 students per session. Oh my! How wrong I was. Had I known it ahead of time, I wouldn’t have joined. But God has a way of taking me to wonderful places I couldn’t have reached on my own. At that time, He took me to a place of surrender and healing.

4 Days, 4 Talks, 800 Students

Behind my unbothered, nonchalant face, I felt scared. I could feel my intestines twisting and turning. My thoughts went back to that dreadful impromptu speech when I froze in front of the students. I hate to think that might happen again. But I could no longer back away. The only way out was through.

Every day for four days, I would separate myself from the group for a couple of minutes, pray, and just surrender the day to the Lord. Every night, I would crash on my bed, feeling drained but happy and grateful for what God allowed me to do.

Looking Back: How the Holy Spirit Healed My Stage Fright

This mission was one of the last ones I joined before the pandemic hit. During the quarantine period, I was able to sit down and reflect on that experience. And these are the things I realized:

• God saved me from different forms of poverty – The month that we had this St. Joseph College mission was also the time that I only worked for 1 week. And receiving the provisions of others meant a lot to me, especially as a person who grew up working for what I wanted to have. When I was in elementary and high school, I didn’t have a lot of friends. But the time came when I was able to meet a lot of people from different walks of life – priests, sisters, donors, students, and fellow missionaries. And as for my stage fright, I like to think the Holy Spirit took care of it.
• As a missionary, I am giving and receiving a mission simultaneously – Yes, it’s part of my life to tell people that God loves them. But most of the time, I hear God telling me that He loves me through my conversations with others.
• God doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies whom He calls – From the time of the 12 disciples until today, God has a record of calling ordinary people to do His work. I wasn’t asked for a resume, certificates, recommendation letters, and postgraduate units when I applied as a missionary. Instead, I was just given an invitation and a mission schedule, to which I managed to say “Yes” despite my socially detached demeanor. Deep inside, I know that I’m a sinner, and a “pure heart” is something I can only aspire to and fail to meet. But sharing my journey with others helped me appreciate the beauty of my humanity.

When I was in college, I read a blog about a lay missionary who had been to different places around the world. Honestly, at first, the travel opportunities that come with being a missionary were the main things that caught my attention. But after 5 years of doing it, I realized that I was finally able to start the most important journey in life – covering the distance between my head and my heart.